Experience
by Deaf Angel
Summary: As Jason walked past the Poseidon cabin, he knew something was off. He recognized that kind of stillness over a place. "No," he whispered under his breath, starting towards the door. When he got there, he tried the knob. Locked, just as he'd thought. AN: WARNING! VERY OOC! SUISIDEL THOUGHTS AND ACTIONS! BEWARE!
1. Chapter 1

AN: WARNING! VERY OOC! SUISIDEL THOUGHTS AND ACTIONS! BEWARE!  
Disclaimer: Do I look like middle-aged man to you? You know what, don't answer that. I don't own Percy Jackson and the Olympians or The Heroes of Olympus series. Sorry, to disappoint.  
*LineBreak*  
The door was shut and locked. It felt unreasonably cold in his cabin, despite the heat wave outside.

Percy looked down at the gun in his hand, wondering why it was a gun. Why not Riptide? Or some other pointy object? Why a gun? 'Because, if you're gonna commit suicide, you don't need to be original,' he thought to himself with a bitter laugh.

His thumb rested on the safety, contemplating turning it off. No one was there to stop him, this time. Last time, Annabeth had been there. But, she wasn't now. She was probably off telling Thalia how he thought she couldn't take care of herself, which wasn't true. He knew she could take care of herself, but he had seen her after some of those nightmares.

Hades, he'd even *had* some of those nightmares, where he was back in that pit.

Percy had just wanted to let her know that she didn't *have* to take care of herself all the time, that she could let someone help her. He'd never meant to say that she *couldn't* take care of herself.

But, Annabeth wasn't the only reason he was sitting in his cabin with the blinds drawn and the door shut and locked. Annabeth wasn't the only reason Percy had a gun in his hands. No, there was more. So much more. Everyone thought he was so strong, they all thought that he could do anything, get through anything, but that wasn't true.

After coming out of that little hell-hole, Percy had been plagued by nightmares. Not really nightmares, more like memories of what had happened down there. And even though he knew each time that they would make it out, it didn't make it any less terrifying. Tartarus had broken Percy in so many ways...

The safety clicked off.

Percy sighed and closed his eyes...  
*LineBreak*  
As Jason walked past the Poseidon cabin, he knew something was off. The door was shut and the blinds were drawn. The door to Percy's cabin was never shut, not unless he was, um, *with* Annabeth in there. But, Jason knew for a fact that Percy wasn't with Annabeth, as Annabeth was the reason he had left his own cabin in the first place.

And the blinds were almost never drawn, not even when he was with Annabeth. They both had developed a fear of the dark in Tartarus, one that would probably never really leave.

Jason, assuming the worst, looked at the cabin in horror. He recognized that kind of stillness over a place. "No," he whispered under his breath, starting towards the door. When he got there, he tried the knob. Locked, just as he'd thought.

He knocked on the door, praying to whatever god over saw this stuff that he wasn't too late. "Percy? Dude, can I come in?" He called, biting his lip. He heard a slight gasp and the heavy thump of someone dropping something. "Percy?" He tried again when the other boy didn't answer. He heard a cough and then, "Go away, Jason."

Jason smiled in relief, he wasn't too late. "Can't. Annabeth crashed my cabin to talk to my sister, Piper is out visiting her dad, who knows where Leo is, and Frank and Hazel are over at Camp Jupiter. You're my last bet at doing something fun this afternoon," Jason replied, trying to hide his relief that Percy had answered him.

"Now's not a great time, Jason." Percy didn't realize that Jason had no intentions of going anywhere. "Okay," Jason said, and he walked around to the back door, which he was hoping Percy had forgotten about. Percy had, of course, forgotten to lock that one. "The guy remembers to lock every single window, but not the back door?" Jason muttered, shaking his head.

Jason entered the cabin to find Percy, sitting cross legged on his bed, eyes closed, gun rising slowly towards his head. Jason calmed himself before speaking. He had enough experience to know that you shouldn't yell at someone when they had a gun in their hands.

So, he just asked, "Why?" Percy's eyes snapped open, looking franticly around the room before locking in on Jason. "I thought I locked the door," was all Percy could come up with. "You forgot the backdoor," Jason informed him. "Now tell me why." The way he said it made it sound more like an order than a request.

The look in Jason's eyes was not one of shock at finding his friend like this, nor was it one of pity that Percy felt he had been driven to this. It was more one of... Sorrow? Hurt? Regret? It almost looked like Jason was lost in a memory, not standing in the corner of the Poseidon cabin, trying to stop his friend from committing suicide.

It was the look in Jason's eyes that made Percy put the gun down. That look of sadness in his friend's eyes, it hurt to realize that he might have put it there. Sure, they hadn't always been the best of friends, being the sons of Poseidon and Jupiter, they had clashed at times. But, in the end, they had worked together to defeat Gaea and her minions. And, afterwards, they had become better friends, setting aside their differences and realizing that they made a great team. If they were both on the same team for capture the flag, they were almost unstoppable.

Jason walked over as soon as Percy set the gun down. He picked it up and tossed it across the room, where Percy couldn't reach it. Jason sat down on the bed next to Percy. He looked at the raven haired boy sitting next to him, who wouldn't look up and meet his eyes. After a couple minutes, Jason broke the silence.

"Percy, look at me." Percy hesitantly lifted his eyes toward the other boy's. "Why?" Jason asked in a whisper. "I-I don't know." Percy shook his head. "I guess it all just became too much." Percy whispered. He ran his fingers through his hair. "It's like everyone expects me to be invincible or something. But, I'm not anymore then they are. I've just got one of the Big Three for a dad. It's like they expect me to fix everything, but I can't. There are some problems that I don't have answers to.

"And, like with Annabeth. I don't get her! One minute, she loves me, and the next, when I'm trying to help her and stuff, it's like she hates me! I don't get it!" Percy's head fell into his heads. "And don't even get me started on Tartarus."

Jason blinked. Percy had seemed so fine after Tartarus. Well, as fine as you can be after going through literal hell. There had been nightmares, but eventually, with no Coach Hedge to stop her, Annabeth had moved into his room, so the two could comfort each other without waking the rest of the ship, and the nightmares seemed to have stopped. But, they obviously hadn't.

Percy looked up at Jason through tired eyes. "Can we not talk about this? I feel like I'm going to do something stupid if I don't get my mind of this." The whispered request barely reached Jason's ears, but he heard it and nodded.

So, they talked for about an hour about non-consequential stuff, consciously avoiding the gun in the corner and the topic that came with it.

"Jason?" Percy asked. They had fallen into an easy silence, both lost in their own thoughts. "Yeah?" "You seem like you've done this before. If you don't mind my asking..." Percy trailed off, not sure how to put the question. Jason looked at him. "Have I ever had to talk someone out of committing suicide before?" Percy nodded, confirming that that had been his question. "Yeah, I have. Twice, actually. The first time went pretty well. The second time... not so much..." Jason stopped and looked away.

Percy just sat there, shocked. "Wow... I'm sorry, dude," Percy set a comforting hand on Jason's knee. Jason gave him a weak smile. "It's not your fault. The Titan War was hard on a lot of people." Jason looked up, meeting Percy's eyes. "But, hey. Right now, I'm two for three. Don't make me one for three, Percy." Percy nodded, "I won't."

The conch shell sounded, signaling dinner. Percy jumped at the sound, his hand automatically going to his pocket where Riptide rested. Jason paled slightly seeing Percy going for the weapon. Percy noticed. "It's alright; it just startled me, that's all. I'm not going to do anything stupid, I promise." Jason visibly relaxed. Then he looked at Percy, skeptically. "You, not doing something stupid? That'd be a first, Kelp Head."

"Hey! Only your sister is allowed to call me that!" Percy responded with mock rage. The two teens laughed, and when the laughter finally subsided, a loud rumbling sound came from the direction of Percy's stomach. Percy looked surprised, while Jason burst out laughing all over again. "Guess we... need to get... you some food!" Jason managed through gasps of laughter.

Percy shoved at him playfully, "I was going to ask Chiron if you could sit with me tonight, but I guess I won't anymore." Percy got up and started for the door. Jason stopped laughing, his eyes widening. "Percy, come on! You know I didn't mean it! Please, can I sit with you? If you don't let me sit with you, I'm going to have to sit alone with Thalia, and you *know* how she gets sometimes! Please, Percy?" Percy kept going as if he didn't hear the other boy. "Hey, Percy, wait up!" Jason ran to catch up, still trying to convince Percy to let him sit with him.  
*LineBreak*  
AN: Well, what do you guys think? Honestly, I'm not really sure how I feel about it. Please review!


	2. Chapter 2

Percy sat on his bed, staring at the wall in his apartment. A picture of Annabeth was hanging there, and her smiling face was staring back at him. "She's never going to look at me like that again," he whispered to himself, absent mindedly rubbing the knife against his thumb. Her knife. She was gone, gone forever, and Percy just couldn't believe it.

The pain of losing her was unbearable. He didn't think he could take it anymore. The knife moved from his thumb to his wrist. If he had to be in pain, it might as well be a choice. He might as well be the one causing it. Someone had told him once that people who cut themselves did it for a feeling of control. Control over the pain they were feeling, control over themselves, control over _something_. Just control. He hadn't really understood it then, but he did now. He felt that same need, the need to have some sort of control over something. Anything. His world was spiraling out of control, and he just needed something to grab onto.

A second later, there was a blood stain on the bed sheets.

Percy stared at the trail of blood on his wrist. A singulr trail, curling down around his arm. His gaze turned from his wrist to the now slightly bloody knife. He thought about all the times she had saved his sorry butt with that knife. How was he supposed to keep going now that she was gone? She had been the only thing that had made him worth anything. Without her, he was nothing.

A second stain joined the first, a second trail appearing.

Life wasn't worth it. Nothing was, anymore. Not with her gone. Everything seemed empty now that she's gone. Percy wondered if this was what it felt like around those dementor things from Harry Potter. Annabeth had loved those books, and Percy thought the movies were pretty good, too. They had made it a tradition to have a Harry Potter movie marathon once every two months. That wouldn't be happening again. Ever.

A third stain appeared this one bigger than the others. The trail it was connected to seemed thicker than the two beside it.

No one would be there to wake him up from the nightmares that still plagued him, even after all these years. At least she wouldn't have to suffer them anymore. She was gone.

Just before a fourth trail, a fourth stain, was about to join the others, Percy heard the door to the apartment open, then shut a few seconds later. "Percy?" Jason's soft voice echoed down the hall. Percy stayed silent, hoping his friend would assume he wasn't home. "Come on, Perce, I know you're here. Your bike is out front." Percy silently cursed himself for forgetting the bike. He should have just left it at Nico's and walked back here.

He lay down on his stomach, thrusting his bleeding wrist under his pillow and out of sight. Quickly, he positioned himself over the stains on his sheets and prepared himself for Jason come in, because Percy knew he would.

Sure enough, Jason poked his head in a minute later. "Percy? Come on, we both know you're not asleep." But there was a hope in Jason's voice, like he hoped his friend really _was_ asleep. And Percy knew why. It wasn't a well-known fact that Percy had barely slept since that fateful night, but since he and Jason shared an apartment, the blonde haired boy had noticed that, though Percy went to bed at9:30 every night, the light stayed on well past when Jason went to bed at 11 or sometimes even 12.

Percy shifted, and that was all that was needed to put any hope of fooling Jason out of play. "Do you want to talk about it?" Jason asked. Percy shook his head into his pillow. "It might help, you know," Jason said, still talking to his friends back. "Go away, Jason," was all Percy said, his voice muffled by the pillow. Jason crossed his arms over his chest. "Make me." The challenge in his voice was unmistakable.

Percy finally looked at him, propping himself up on his elbows and keeping his arms mostly covered by the pillow. "Jason," Percy said, giving him a look that said 'I don't really feel like doing this right now'. "Percy," Jason answered, with a look that said 'I'm not leaving unless you either talk or get up and push me out'.

Unconsciously, Percy reached up and rubbed his eyes with his hand. Jason froze. He took a deep breath. "Percy," he started, "What the _hell_ is that?" Realizing his mistake, Percy froze as well. "I just couldn't take it anymore," he whispered, the pain in his eyes so apparent, it nearly broke Jason's heart.

"Percy, I've already had to talk you out of hurting yourself before now, please don't make me do this again," Jason said, softly. Percy looked away. "She's _gone_, Jason. She's really, really gone. As in, I'm never going to see her again," Percy's voice cracked. "That's not true. She'll wait for you down there, Percy, you know that," Jason said. "Then maybe I should go join her." Jason's eyes widened. "No. Percy, no. I said she would wait for you, not you have to go rushing to her!"

Percy still refused to look at him. Jason ran his fingers through his hair. He sighed. "Come on, let's get you cleaned up," he said, gently taking Percy's arm and pulling him up off the bed and down the hall to the bathroom. Jason turned on the sink and was about to put Percy's wrist under the running water, when Percy started struggling. "Percy, these could get bad if I don't clean them up. You don't want them getting infected, do you?" Jason looked Percy in the eyes and held the stare until Percy relented.

The water healed the cuts almost immediately, leaving only faded scars. When Jason had finished, Percy sat down on the edge of the bathtub and put his head in his hands, silent tears leaking out of his eyes. Jason sat next to his friend and put a hand on his back, letting him cry. They just sat like that, two guys, one comforting the other.

After a while, Percy broke the silence. "I just can't believe she's gone," he said, shaking his head and looking up at the ceiling. Jason looked at him, waiting for him to go on. Percy didn't disappoint. "Everywhere I look, I see her. Walking down the street, buying flowers from that little old lady on the street corner, watching the newest episode of Jeopardy or NCIS on our couch, laughing at something stupid I'd said. She's everywhere." Percy looked at Jason a little desperately. "Is it bad, that I see her?"

Jason shook his head. "It's completely normal to see someone close to you after they die. Leo told me that he _still_ sees his Mom walking around sometimes, whenever he goes back to Huston," he assured the black haired boy sitting next to him. Percy sighed in obvious relief. "Good," he breathed. "At least one thing about this is normal." Jason had to crack a small smile at that one. Nothing in their lives was _ever_ normal.

"Every time I go to sleep, I see it again. The crash. The explosion. Everything. Over and over, again and again..." Percy trailed off. "Is _that_ normal?" He asked. Jason stayed quiet. He had almost forgotten that Percy had seen the whole thing in one of those things that demigods called dreams. Jason still wasn't quite sure what to say to that, so the two fell into silence.

Then suddenly, Percy said, "I'm sorry." Jason blinked. "For what?" He asked, bewildered. It wasn't as if it had been him driving drunk that night. "For this," Percy replied, "I keep making you do this, when, really, the first time should have been enough. I just..." "Percy, its fine, believe me. I'll always be here to talk whenever you want. You know that, right?" Jason watched as Percy nodded. "But, please Percy, _please_ talk to me _before_ you reach for that knife, okay?" Percy nodded again, looking away.

"Good," Jason said, standing and rubbing his hands together. "Is there anything else you want to talk to me about?" He asked, as Percy stood as well. "Yeah, actually," Percy replied nodding. Jason's heart sank; he didn't think he had a motivational speech in him at the moment. "You need to get Piper over here," Percy continued, "I'm tired of eating take out and your cooking sucks." Percy grinned for the first time in weeks.

Jason laughed. "Oh, my cooking sucks, does it?" Jason asked. "And why don't you cook something for dinner?" He challenged his dark haired friend. Percy laughed as well. "Because _my_ cooking is even worse than _yours_. And that's saying something," Percy said and left. Jason laughed, shaking his head as he followed Percy out of the bathroom.

"Fine, I'll call Piper. Maybe she can make us some of that hamburger soup she made that one time," Jason told his friend. Percy groaned, plopping himself on their couch. "Oh, gods, that was _so_ good! Yes, she _has_ to make that!" "We'll make it an event. Nico, Leo, Frank, Hazel and Reyna can come too. Hell, I'm in a good mood, let's invite Coach Hedge, too," Jason suggested, picking up the phone to call everyone. Percy sat up at that. "No. I don't care how good your mood is, you are _not_ inviting Coach Hedge. You remember the last time he was here, right?" Percy looked Jason in the eye. The color drained from the blonde's face as he remembered that night. "Right," Jason quickly agreed. "Right, no Coach Hedge."

As Jason dialed Piper's number, he looked at Percy and smiled. Another win for team Jason and another lose for team suicide.  
*LineBreak!*  
**AN: I'm back! Did yall miss me?**

So, I'm sorry I didn't write this sooner, but hey! It's here now, isn't it?

I just want to thank anyone who reviewed, followed or favorited this! Thank you bunches! Here, have some cookies! (::) (::) (::) (::) (::)

So, what do you guys(or girls) think? Like it, love it, hate it, want to print it out just so you can burn it? Please tell me! I love reviews!

Oh, and thank you to _**AliceTonkHPJ**_**, for being awesome and putting up with me, and for giving me the idea! Thank you!**

Now, all that's left is for you guys to review, so, I'll let you go do that now. :)


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